Thinking FocusThinking Focus
+44 (0) 333 939 8606
hello@thinkingfocus.com
  • Home
  • Philosophy
    • Our Philosophy
    • The Leadership Model
    • The Thinking Model
    • The Actions Model
    • The Results Model
    • Transition
  • Solutions
    • Our Focus Areas
    • Productivity
    • Continuous Improvement
    • Leadership Thinking
    • Culture
    • Enabling Change
    • How we do it
  • Results
    • Results overview
    • Leadership Case Study
    • Productivity Case Study
    • CI Case Study
  • WWYD
  • About us
    • Our Story
    • Meet Ricky
    • Meet Richard
    • Meet Paul
    • Our influences
  • Blog
  • Contact Us

Why we dread difficult conversations

Posted On June 1, 2017 By Ricky Muddimer In Culture, Leadership, Sales Mindset /  

The ‘difficult conversation’ is something that, as managers, we all have to face up to at times in our careers. Whether it is having to tell someone that their performance is not up to scratch, having to share changes to the structure, process or work environment or let someone go, it can be a daunting prospect whatever your level of experience.

Why do we find it daunting? The answer lies in how you talk to yourself.

Your self-talk is the voices in your head; we all have them. You ask questions and say things about people, about the situation or yourself. These voices will either be helpful or unhelpful.

Is your self-talk working for you or against you? 

We are great imagineers; we play out given situations in our mind. We search our memory banks looking for examples from the past; we look to the future playing out the conversation with the person.

You imagine their reaction. You can almost see them vividly kicking off, crying, shouting or arguing. You remember similar situations and how others may have behaved/reacted to this type of news. This imagined future will create emotions and will position our state of mind.  Do we see this in a calm, rational way or how most of us see it: as difficult, challenging or potentially confrontational? Our imagination creates the story, the narrative of how we see the conversation going. It is this story that informs how we prepare. If we have imagined a difficult conversation, we are likely to go into it with a level of emotion, expectation and tension. Hardly the best preparation!

What can we do to prepare ourselves for these types of situations?

The great thing about your self-talk is that you can control it. You just need to programme it in the right way. If you find yourself in an unhelpful mindset, the simplest way to change that mindset is to ask yourself three questions:

1.     What could you say that might be more helpful?

2.     What memories could you recall that might be more helpful?

3.     What future could you imagine that might be more helpful?

These questions are part of the Thinking Focus Self-Talk Model, a mental model designed to help you to find ‘ingredients’ to create a more helpful mindset. You can harness the helpful mindset to prepare yourself better for the conversation you need to have.

 

We believe that individuals, teams and business units underperform. Not because they want to, not because they intend to, but because they can’t get out of their own way.

This may not be down to them; it could be the culture or work environment. Our experiences shape our mindset and work habits, often causing people to get stuck.

 

Tweet
Should the R in SMART be Realistic or Relevant?
What's the best tool to use for writing a goal?

Categories

  • Article
  • Bias
  • Blog
  • Change
  • Coaching
  • Confidence
  • Continuous Improvement
  • Creative Thinking
  • Critical Thinking
  • Culture
  • Decision Making
  • Engagement
  • Feedback
  • Flip Book
  • Forbes
  • Goals
  • High Performing Teams
  • Influence
  • Leadership
  • Leading to here
  • Management
  • Metacognition
  • Mindset
  • Motivation
  • Performance Management
  • Podcasts
  • Problem Solving
  • Productivity
  • Psychological Safety
  • Reflection
  • Resilience
  • Sales
  • Sales Mindset
  • Stakeholder Management
  • The question is
  • Trust
  • Video
  • Webinar

Popular Posts

  • Building Resilience: Navigating Workplace Stresses and Strains April 15, 2025
  • Why Slowing Down is Essential to Speed Up! April 8, 2025
  • What Can I Do To Build Rapport Quickly? April 3, 2025
  • How can I create trust between teams that don’t get on? March 19, 2025
  • How to Make Informed Choices March 13, 2025

Archives

  • April 2025
  • March 2025
  • February 2025
  • January 2025
  • December 2024
  • November 2024
  • October 2024
  • September 2024
  • August 2024
  • July 2024
  • June 2024
  • May 2024
  • April 2024
  • March 2024
  • February 2024
  • January 2024
  • December 2023
  • November 2023
  • October 2023
  • September 2023
  • August 2023
  • July 2023
  • June 2023
  • May 2023
  • April 2023
  • March 2023
  • February 2023
  • December 2022
  • November 2022
  • October 2022
  • September 2022
  • August 2022
  • July 2022
  • June 2022
  • May 2022
  • April 2022
  • March 2022
  • February 2022
  • January 2022
  • December 2021
  • November 2021
  • October 2021
  • September 2021
  • August 2021
  • July 2021
  • June 2021
  • May 2021
  • April 2021
  • March 2021
  • February 2021
  • January 2021
  • December 2020
  • November 2020
  • October 2020
  • September 2020
  • August 2020
  • July 2020
  • June 2020
  • May 2020
  • April 2020
  • March 2020
  • February 2020
  • January 2020
  • June 2019
  • April 2019
  • March 2019
  • February 2019
  • January 2019
  • December 2018
  • November 2018
  • October 2018
  • September 2018
  • August 2018
  • July 2018
  • June 2018
  • May 2018
  • April 2018
  • March 2018
  • February 2018
  • January 2018
  • December 2017
  • November 2017
  • October 2017
  • August 2017
  • July 2017
  • June 2017
  • May 2017
  • April 2017
  • March 2017
© 2023 Thinking Focus Limited
All rights reserved.

Registered in England. Company Number 10151972
20-22 Wenlock Road, London. N1 7GU    +44 (0)333 939 8606
  • Privacy Policy